Last updated: 31st August 2004
London's Gay Bars: an introduction
In 1999, I helped write Gay London, a pocket-sized guide book published by ellipsis. Sadly, 'Gay London' is now out-of-print (and Ellipsis is no more) - I don't even have a copy myself, though a Belgian tourist was seen carrying a copy in Shoreditch in early 2001 (so if you really want a copy: mug a Belgian).
The reviews of bars that I wrote then are reproduced immediately below, together with updates; below that, you'll find an attempt at a comprehensive critical listing of the rest of London's gay bars and clubs, arranged in a vaguely geographical order. (If you care to mail me any comments or corrections I'll try to include them.)
For up to date information about location, opening hours and special nights, try QX on-line, or pick up a copy of one of the gay papers in any gay London bar.
Gay London also included pieces I wrote about Underwear Nights, East End pubs, London's gay press, Gay Pride; these pieces (together with updates where relevant) are set out on other pages.
The Black Cap
Judging by the tiled mural just inside the door, The Black Cap has been at least some kind of hostelry for, ooh, umpteen years now. It's certainly London's longest-lived gay bar.
Not that you'd know it to look at the place: the latest stage of their ongoing refurbishment program has left the popular upstairs bar looking like a tart's parlour, with an extensive patio that wouldn't like out of place parked outside an Essex millionaire's passion pad.
'Swish' is the word that comes to mind - and, honey, I don't mean Miss Whiplash.
Downstairs is a long crowded late night cabaret bar with a regular schedule of strippers and drag acts; you can dance here too but watch your step: this being Camden, there's a higher than normal proportion of dykes and wheelchairs, most of whom seem to travel in convoy.
This mob-handedness is partially explained by the fact that, strangely enough, Camden has little else to offer by way of a gay scene: people tend to come as part of a crowd and make a night of it...
Re-reviewed: still current as at 19/07/03.
171 Camden High Street NW1 Phone: 020 7428 2721
King William IV
Everything I know about William IV can be written on the back of a safer-sex shag-me card, but I hardly imagine you'd want to take the trek up to Hampstead just because you're a fan.
If you're in the area already though (and I think we all know why) the William makes a pleasant pit-stop - especially on a warm summer's evening when Heath Street gets quasi-continental.
This is a traditional Hampstead pub: warm, well-fitted-out and buzzing with relatively intelligent conversation (even on the high days and holidays when the bar staff drag up.)
There's a pleasant yard out the back in summer, and a fire in the front room in winter; the customers could be younger, but so could you and, excuse me, I didn't notice you being so discerning out on the Heath two hours ago.
Visitors of a monarchist bent may care to couple a visit to the William IV with a trip six stops down the Northern Line to Angel station and the King Edward VI - a similar sort of place, but Islington rather than Hampstead, so slightly younger, slightly tattier, and slightly cooler: less corduroy, more designer glasses.
(Thought for the day: why is no gay bar called The Queen Mary?)
Re-reviewed 19/07/03:
All the above still current, I feel, though I'd want to add something about how long it took me to notice what a high proportion of Jewish guys there are at The William. And mention the quiz night on Wednesdays.
77 Hampstead High Street NW3 Phone: 020 7435 5747
Benjy's 2000
Did you see Last days of Disco? That long tracking-shot where they walk through the doors, up the stairs and into the room like Reservoir Puppies, up into the light, the heat, the noise - and then start dancing round their handbags?
Benjy's 2000, as it's name distinctly implies, is very like that: very Eighties, very Disco. Rather cheesy.
As it happens, the name derives from the Jewish entrepreneur who carved the place out of an old cinema, and who's widow now runs it as an entirely straight venue for the rest of the week. But hey, every other cute Essex boy you see here on a Sunday might as well be called Benjy. Or Marcus. Or Steve.
The joke about Benjy's used to be that this was the place to come if you wanted to know what was going cheap down the market next week. But the markets, and the boys, have moved on since then - the kids have discovered chemicals, and the average Benjy's crowd has aged slightly as a result.
But despite an early close (one am? oh please) and their startlingly high beer prices, Benjy's makes a good way to end a relatively low-octane weekend: marvel at the campy décor, gasp at the brightly-lit toilets, squint at the twinkly lights, avoid yourself in any one of a thousand mirrors and...dance, dance, dance.
(And then catch a cab to The Spiral Staircase and drink, drink, drink.)
Re-reviewed 19/07/01:
I haven't been back to Benjy's since I wrote this but all of the above still current, I think.
Purple E3, 562a Mile End Road E3 Phone: 020 8980 6427
The Block [CLOSED]
The good news about The Block's location is that it's only minutes away from a Tube station; the bad news is that it's Bromley-by-Bow, way out east.
I guess this is not really the kind of place you'd want to beat a track to unless you're looking to make a night of it. (Make a night of it, that is, until you've got what you've cum for, after which it's the traditional quick trip to the coat check and can-you-call-me-a-cab...)
You can picture the scene: two floors of black paint, with very little light and a lot of camouflage netting, military semiotics on the walls, a pool table here, a darkroom there. A couple of small bars. And a constant eddy of horny hunters, cruising backwards and forwards, looking you up and down, every man his own porn-star. (You can't picture the scene? Put this book down immediately; you're straight.)
I've only managed to get out to the Block a few times, so I can't tell how many people here know each other already. Quite a few, I suspect, given that the denim/uniform/skinhead dress-code crowd don't have that many places left to go at the moment, what with (latest) demise of the 'Oi!' nights. And many of the leatherier faces will know each other from the much-missed days of The London Apprentice.
Which is not, of course, to say that they engage that much in conversation: the odd muttered reference to an unadmitted case of the clap, or a polite enquiry about t-cell counts just about covers it. These boots weren't made for walking, and these mouths aren't meant for talking...
Dress butch and go, especially at the weekend. They have an excellent mini-cab service to get you back to civilisation, the music's not bosch-bosch-bosch and, who knows, you might even meet someone. (Tip: I'll be the one drinking beer in a bottle so I can stick it in my pocket and have both hands free.)
Re-reviewed 25/5/01:
Most of the above still current, plus much recent renovation.
Update 23/5/02:
The Block has now closed. Sadly.
Backstreet
Legend has it that a dragon with a bad attitude and a nasty tongue guards Backstreet's firmly closed doors, and Lord only knows what goes on behind them: me, I don't do leather, never have, never will - and besides, our budget didn't stretch to a new outfit.
From what I hear though, if you just want to try life a tad transgressive, or find yourself fancying a pop at a pill-fuelled weekend of whippery-zippery, this is not the bar for you. Find out where Suzie Kruger is holding Fist this month and shell out on that: she stays open much later, she doesn't treat the bar as an extension of her living room, and she's a little less masterful in her definition of 'strict dress code'.
On the other hand, if you're remotely serious about the leather scene you probably know all about this place already, and will have packed your bags accordingly: it is, after all, London's last proud gasp from a serious fetish scene that's being date-stamped to death by eagle-eyed marketing men in suits all over Europe. (Antwerp is good though, I hear?)
Plus, presumably, you'll know a good proportion of the clientele already. Backstreet holds well over a hundred people on a good night, so the chances are high that you will bump into that blond from Berlin, the one with the pierced lip and the Prince Albert who left you tied to his rafters for six hours while he went out to the opera. He probably looks better without the 'tache too.
One final warning: don't confuse Backstreet with Benjy's, even though they're only yards apart - full zipper mask and black leather harness is not a good look in a room full of East End boy-babes, trust me.
Re-reviewed 25/2/04:
I've still not been to The Backstreet, so there's nothing I can add (except that Fist has now closed and re-opened at London Bridge as Hard On.)
Wentworth Mews E3 Phone: 020 8980 7880
The Yard
The Yard was one of the earliest colonial stakeouts in what has now become a busy Boystown centred on Old Compton Street. Consequently it's cornered what has got to be one of the nicest pieces of property in the area.
A long narrow alley (just difficult enough to find to make the hunt worthwhile) debouches into an airy courtyard with a dull downstairs bar and an iron stairs-and-balcony combo that leads up to a pleasantly sophisticated loft-style lounge on the first floor.
The courtyard itself is only practical for drinking in at the height of summer, and the upstairs bar has restricted opening hours, largely thanks to the local residents and their constant rear-guarding battle to keep noisy numbers to a minimum. So, until recently at least, The Yard has rather failed to live up to its early promise.
All this will change later in 1999, when The Yard plans to enfold its whole space within a glass dome. The upstairs bar's gain will, presumably, be the courtyard's loss.
This will inevitably mean that The Yard will be closed for a while, probably on just the night you plan to visit. But there are, what?, at least eight other gay venues within staggering distance so, what the hell, pop by in passing and hope to find it open.
Re-reviewed 25/5/01:
The glass dome turned out to be a small glass canopy. The upstairs bar has been refurbished and is less quiet now. The eponymous yard has gained some rather vile murals, and the downstairs bar has been described as looking 'lounge-lite'.
It's still a great place to drink on a summer's evening though.
57 Rupert Street W1 Phone: 020 7437 2652
Rupert Street
For many gay men and women, Rupert Street is to bars what Rupert Murdoch is to newspapers: this is the gay flagship of Bass Taverns, whose ruthless corporate pursuit of the pink pound with a series of high-profile homo haunts has alienated many, and whose monopoly on the beer tents at Gay Pride (and the high prices they charged there) has alienated even more.
Like it or not though, queens have always had a thing for flags and ships (especially if the barmen are cute and the toilets are clean): Rupert Street is rarely less than busy.
And, who knows, some may even find the idea of drinking behind big plate glass windows in a brightly-lit bar on a busy Soho street strangely...liberating?
If, on the other hand, you want your queer culture unassimilated and non-homogenised, cool rather than "trendy", take your custom round the corner to Bar Code in Archer Street: better music, better beer and, believe me, better men.
Re-reviewed 01/08/01:
Despite almost constant refurbishment, the above still holds true: the most fun I've had in Rupert Street was watching an extremely drunk man piss up against the bar. That said, there are some cute boys here if you like that sort of thing.
If I was writing this today, I'd make more of Bar Code, and add a recommendation for Comptons, much-improved since the above was written.
57 Rupert Street W1 Phone: 020 7437 2652
Brompton Cemetery
Sex and death? I don't think so. Indeed, I rather doubt that the very lively men who pace around Brompton Cemetery on a bright summer's day give much more than a passing thought for the decaying corpses of the Victorian dignitaries which lie a few yards beneath their restless feet. Carpe diem, innit.
This is the Visconti re-make of The Secret Garden: vistas of Victorian monumental masonry punctuated by evanescent glimpses of men in shorts and sunglasses.
Best of all is the chiaroscuro of the central colonnade, where each slow step holds another pleasing prospect: a Latin type in a turquoise thong sunbathes spead-eagled on an Italianate tomb; a leather jacket swings from the stone curlicue of a shattered crucifix, a Kensington matron walks her dog, oblivious to the possibilities for passion that haunt the air around her.
Actual, rather than potential, passion is somewhat more discreet; people do have regard for the basic decencies, after all (plus a healthy respect for the forces of law and order.) But spun off into the shaded shrubberies that line the perimeter walls you may spot the odd shenanigans. Do go gently.
Re-reviewed 25/5/01:
Not been back since I wrote this, but I imagine it still holds true.
Substation South
Wayne Shires' Substation empire staked its initial claim on the West End in Falconberg Court, just behind GAY on Charing Cross Road. It was here that the prototypical Substation mix first gelled: industrial décor, undemanding music, rotating theme nights.
From Falconberg Court, the empire expanded south of the river to Brixton, with Substation South. At much the same time, Substation Soho, as it was now known, moved into roomier premises on the other side of Soho Square (whence it has only recently departed to take up residence at the Soundshaft, behind Heaven.)
When Substation South first opened, success seemed less than certain.
Although gay people, with their traditional penchant for colonising largely immigrant areas, had already become a visible part of Brixton's much-touted 'cultural diversity', those who didn't actually live there still had alarming memories of the riots and muggings that were part of the folk-lore of the Eighties.
Nonetheless, Substation South has survived, and prospered, offering a carefully modulated rotating menu of theme nights with a raunchy edge. Some nights are sexier than others: Queer Nation, now established there in a regular Saturday night slot, is notable for having carved out a large and loyal following on the basis of its music policy and ethnic mix alone. (It does no harm that the only other club nights offering a soul and garage mix can currently be counted on the fingers of one hand.)
But now that Love Muscle at the nearby Fridge has closed, Brixton's credentials as a place worth trekking across town to look increasingly thin: unlike nearby Clapham, or Vauxhall, there has never been a gay pub in this area, for instance.
If you're staying somewhere with good Tube connections to Brixton then, certainly, give Substation South a try during the week (their in-house gay cab company, Battersea's Q Cars, will get you home in good company at a fair price.) Otherwise, unless you really are a dedicated techno fan, save your visit for a Saturday.
9 Brighton Terrace SW9 Phone: 020 7737 2095
Re-reviewed 09/09/01:
I've not been back to Sub South much since I wrote this, but I suspect the above still holds true. (Check the press for details of what's happening when: Mondays is underwear night and Sundays is Marvellous, which is proving very popular.)
Elsewhere in Brixton Hope, a twice-monthly(?) late nighter, is worth a visit if you can face the walk up Brixton Hill to the George IV, and Love Muscle is back at the Fridge at ?irregular intervals. The Fridge Bar has established itself as a popular (if somewhat frenetic) venue.
The only other night offering soul/R&B is Off the Hook, great if you're black or have a lot black friends, but perhaps a bit difficult to cope with if not.
Re-reviewed 08/03/04: Substation still pretty much as described; Hope closed (there's a weekly something called Bed instead, on a Sunday), the Fridge (after the longest series of Last Nights ever) is under new management, and I think Off the Hook is defunct too.
Other bars were covered by my fellow contributors to 'Gay London' and I won't publish them here without their permission.
In lieu, here's a list of most of the other gay London bars and clubs, which I'm slowly filling out with commentary as I get a chance to visit them.
Quotes in the following are all taken from my daily journal, Blogadoon.
The Box
Despite extensive refurbishment, this pleasant glass-fronted room still can't seem to make up its mind if it's a café or a bar. (What used to be an intimate downstairs bar has now given way to an almost surreally large toilet.) Relatively up-scale clientele.
First Out
Try as it might, this place can't seem to shake off it's early image as a quasi-vegetarian politically-correct coffee-shop that would be more at home in Camden than in the shadow of Centre Point. It would make an excellent venue for that difficult coming-out-to-Mum conversation.
G.A.Y. Bar [Manto's as was]
Rather up its own arse, but often packed with attractive boys (especially on Thursdays, pre-Atelier.) Be sure to check out the intimate downstairs bar. Drinks are relatively expensive. Note: do not even think of visiting this bar if you are having a bad hair day. (01/08/01)Update: Now part of Jeremy Joseph's G.A.Y. empire, and considerably friendlier (19/07/03)
The Admiral Duncan
Busy, crowded, noisy and slightly vulgar pub slap bang at the centre of Boystown, opposite Comptons. Seems popular with loud straight women out on a hen night, for some reason. Site of the infamous nail-bomb attack.
Comptons
Mentioned regularly in Blogadoon. At its best on summer nights and weekend afternoons when the crowd does its best to pedestrianise Old Compton Street. Recommended. (19/07/03)
Duke of Wellington
Unexceptional gay pub. Handy seating upstairs.
Village Soho
Friendly Society
Slightly bizarre. Rather expensive. "Trendy". Friendly (but not that friendly.)
Rupert Street
See above.
The Yard
See above.
Escape
Small, attractive bar in the heart of gay Soho. Loud music, good-looking young men plus the occasional woman. Late license plus entrance fee at weekends, when it gets crowded. Recommended.
Bar Code
Mentioned regularly in Blogadoon. Has a crowded downstairs bar that opens at weekends. Late license. Recommended. (19/07/03)
Sanctuary
Smart cocktail bar, busy upstairs, quiet downstairs. Pricey.(14/03/04)
Shadow Lounge
Ostensibly, at least, a member's club - though I suspect that's fairly flexible. Stylish, swish, slightly up its own arse, but I had a great time the one night I went. (14/03/04)
Budda
I went on a Sunday evening - not the best night - and it was very very quiet. Seems like a nice bar though (and the bartrons were cute). (17/05/04)
The Edge
Popular with Brazilians. (And their admirers.)
Said to be undergoing something of a revival lately, but some of us feel it will never be as good as when it first opened, before fire regulations forced them to install the enclosed staircase that now fatally intrudes onto each floor, creating a series of mini-bars rather than one elegant multi-storyed space.
Handy for Soho Square, with nice views over the surrounding streets.
King's Arms
An older crowd, but always busy. Traditional pub decor. Last time I went, they were playing Dean Martin records. Nuff said. (01/08/01)
The quieter upstairs bar has a pool table, and is quiet enough to sustain a conversation or two.
Quebec
Still referred to as 'The Elephant's Graveyard' - except by its clientele, who no doubt call it 'a hostelry that caters to the, ahem, more mature crowd'.
Site [Brief Encounter as was]
09/02/01 "Can't say I've ever been a great fan of Brief Encounter, despite it's pioneering role as one of London's earliest cruise bars. The last time I was in there, it was crowded with besuited sleazeballs and rentboy wannabes - drawn by the name, no doubt.
"Nevertheless, I popped in again last night (reasons unstated) and, my, what a change. No more than twenty customers in all, divided equally between the basement bar, the main bar and the toilet (I assume the last third had stopped to buy a beer first but that's by no means certain).
"Nothing that floated my boat much, except for one guy who steamed in and seemed to catch my eye; five minutes later, he was in a steamy embrace with a drunk on the staircase. Hmmph.
"Lord knows, I'm no stranger to casual sex but this was a level beyond that. Casualty sex?
"So I didn't stay long - no more than a couple of hours. Still managed to get my pocket picked though. Hmmmmph."
Moribund would be the best way to describe this place on the few times I've stopped in lately; I suspect it picks up at weekends though. (01/08/01)
Update:: Re-opened in 2003 as Site
Kudos
Close to Charing Cross station, so tends to attract gay commuters (and their admirers).
Halfway 2 Heaven
This pub can't quite make up its mind whether it's unpretentious or unprepossessing. The spacious downstairs bar was deserted when I was there but apparently hosts a quiz night on Wednesdays. The music is quiet and the clientele slightly older than the rest of the scene, so it might make a good place to meet someone you wouldn't want to expose to the blatant stares of the more mainstream bars. (01/08/02)
Discotec
Lively fashion-conscious Thursday nights at The End, one of the best designed clubs in London. Don't go unless you're feeling fabulous.
Bar Aquda
Smart and attractive, if slightly off the beaten track (i.e Covent Garden rather than Soho.) Seems increasingly 'mixed', which is no bad thing. Smart, but not oppressively so.
The Retro Bar
Indie bar. Tuesday night pop-quiz mentioned regularly in Blogadoon. Has the best landlady in town, bar none. Can be difficult to find: look for a flight of steps opposite Southampton Street, 50 yards or so east of the McDonalds at Charing Cross
Heaven
Mondays is Popcorn, a cheap and cheerful night aimed at students and their admirers. (Do students have any admirers?)
Wednesdays is Fruit Machine, a popular night that has historically hosted a higher than average number of cross-dressers (and their mildly-irritated friends).
Saturdays is...best avoided. (Unless you're new in town and want to see an institution in action.) (14/03/04)
Update: Saturdays are quite cool these days. Apparently. (20/02/04)
Ku bar
Young men, cheap beer. A boy's bar.
West Central [CLOSED]
21/12/00 "Then David remembered it was Singles Night at West Central, so we had a couple of pints in there, sporting our sticky-backed numbers to no avail ('How many times will 187 go into 180? And now, the Spice Girls')."
28/12/00 "So...on to the Theatre Bar [upstairs] at West Central, somewhere I recently decided was one of the few West End Bars where it's possible to hold a decent conversation."
Update: Closed in 2003, Theatre Bar sadly missed. The club space in the basment ("Pitch") still operates though, hosting Shinky-Shonky on Saturdays.
79 CXR
Very big pub on Charing Cross Road. Earlier in the day the whole front opens up onto the street. Open till late (around 11pm they begin charging for entry) so usually busiest after midnight, when it gets rammed with friendly (sometimes over-friendly) drunks. Very cruisy, with a high proportion of businessmen for some reason. If you can't get a shag here then it's time to retire.
The Astoria/G.A.Y.
08/05/01 "Leaving, I overhear some cute drunk boy call out "See you in G.A.Y. then!" and briefly consider just how unhappy I could be, standing being the Sad Old Fuck in the Corner in a venue that traditionally caters to boys who are young enough to be my grandchildren. Wisely, I decide against it.
"Less wisely, as I pass Comptons Café, I duck in and pick up a flier that will get me into G.A.Y. for a paltry quid, should I change my mind between here and Tottenham Court Road. Which is not going to happen, of course.
"And five minutes later I'm standing chatting to Mad Marseillaise Michael and his flatmate David in the upstairs bar. Whilst drunken children stare at me from their booths, trying to decide if I'm Nick Cave or Suzi Quatro.
"I admit it: I'm actually starting to enjoy myself by this stage. Better yet, a trip to the loo reveals: Alex, Andy and Matthew. Giggling. La la.
"Quite how this leads on to me snogging some bearded boy called Ariel (no, really) who has plaited hair down to his waist and says he's here to get away from his boyfriend who is a crack addict...quite how that works I'm really not sure."
On Thursday through Saturday, G.A.Y. is now at The Astoria; Mondays still use the (relatively) smaller venue next door, now known as The Mean Fiddler.
I remember with affection the first time I walked into what was then called the LA2. The panoramic view of the crowded dance-floor from the balcony windows still makes me smile: this isn't Heaven but it's not quite hell. It's cheap, and very very cheerful, perfect for a Monday night.
I've not been to the Astoria for quite a while, but I remember it as being even bigger and considerably more frenetic; check it out for yourself - Thursdays still only cost £1 with a flier.(09/09/01)
Thursday, Friday, Saturday: Astoria 157 Charing Cross Road WC2 Phone: 020 7434 9592
Off the Hook [CLOSED]
Mondays at The Velvet Underground (a few doors south of G.A.Y.). A funky night for a largely black crowd, not for the faint-hearted. (19/07/01)
Update: Off the Hook is no longer at the Velvet Underground, a venue which is about to be subsumed into some major new piazza thing. New venue to be announced later in August 2002(06/08/02)
Now subsumed into Bootylicious, once a month at Crash, with - I presume - less attitude and more space (08/02/04)
The Ghetto [Tube as was]
First it Substation, then it became The Tube, now it's The Ghetto - home to Nag, Nag, Nag and The Cock, popular electro-thrash/indie nights. There can be long queues.
The Stag
Off-scene, in Victoria. Hosts a Sports and Shorts night, discussed in Blogadoon here. (Presumed very quiet on other nights.)
Artful Dodger [CLOSED]
Now closed - and not much missed, except by locals.(15/03/02)
Central Station
Still going strong in King's Cross, with an outreach program in Walthamstow. Cabaret bar upstairs and, downstairs, a club that opens later in the evening and which hosts various fetish-themed nights. Check press for details.
80 Brunner Road E17 Phone: 020 8250 4836
Egg
Very groovy purpose-built club, disadvantaged by being a long way from civilisation, halfway up York Way in King's Cross. Hosts a changing selection of club nights, most of them starting very late. Garden/patio comes into its own in the summer, when it hosts pool-parties.
LA3
Popular Sunday-nighter that traditionally acted as an after-party for those who'd been to the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, but with a big ad-mixture of other types, too. Location is a particularly potent factor for a club night whose customers have mostly got to go to work the next morning, so this night's recent move from 333 (London Apprentice as was) to Sahara Nights (The Bell as was) in King's Cross is a high-risk move. Looks promising though. (17/05/04)
Update: Now trading under new management, back at 333 Old Street. (21/06/04)
Doing very nicely; I'd forgotten how desperate a crowd who've spent the entire weekend off their faces can get, come two o'clock on a Monday morning. Special mention for the bar staff, who get my prize for Rudest Cunts in London. Various discounts available (for those who've come by special bus from the RVT for instance) but otherwise quite pricey at £10 on the door and bottled beer at £3 a pop. (31/08/04)
The old management took the 333 venue back again (with a night called LA-X, now terminated); 'LA3' moved to Fire in Vauxhall. (19/11/04)
Popstarz
20/01/01 "Apparently, when Attitude asked Stephen Merritt for some indication of what kind of guy floats his boat he replied "...the boys at Popstarz". Now, in theory, I totally identify with this: they are young, they are fun and they have at least eight quid in their pocket.
"In practise, however, it's always a let-down. It's not just that I feel soooooo old - hell, I've spent thirty years learning to deal with that. But they can't dance, they don't know how to dress and their best idea of a decent chat-up line seems to have got stuck at 'my friend really fancies yew'."
King Edward VI
17/02/01 "At the Edward VI (the Mavis Wilton of gay bars) things were proceeding at their usual homely pace - I can't remember the last time I fancied anyone in here (bar staff emphatically excluded)."
24/04/01 "The Edward...populated most nights by senior health-care executives who, having fed the cat, have nothing better to do between now and midnight than sink a pint or two of premium lager whilst listening to Kylie remixes and indulging in vanilla fantasies involving Johann, the smiley South Efrican barman.
"But last night the music was even pappier than usual, the ageing Liberal Democrat voter who-plainly-fancied-me was even more oh-puhlease-NO! than usual, and the bar staff all seemed to be on sabbatical from Planet Camp. (At one stage, one of them unlocked his trousers to show some customers his naked arse. It's not like me to object to that, even on a Monday, but I did.) And no Johann."
In fairness, one should add that The Edward has a popular and very pleasant beer-garden which can be quite buzzy on a warm summer's evening. (01/08/01)
Update: In further fairness, one should add that the garden has now been refurbished and has lost its extravagant Russian Vine in the process, making it a lot less cosy (01/08/02)
Popped in on a Saturday night a few weekends ago - and still didn't see a single person I fancied(31/08/04)
Bar Fusion
24/04/01 "Things at Bar Fusion (the Daniella Westbrook of gay bars) were almost too lively, complete with dancing on the bar, flooded toilets and a nice middle-aged dyke who wanted to continue the non-existent conversation we'd had last week (about her alcohol-dependency counselling, hmmmm)."
"[I find] the coke-fuelled gaiety a little hard to take, especially on a Monday. On a good day, I like the fact that Bar Fusion has more women than many of the bars that I frequent. On a bad day, I reflect that whoever it was who welcomed women drinking in bars as a civilising influence plainly didn't know many lesbians. Yesterday was a bad day.
"But there are two TV sets in Bar Fusion, making it one of the few places I know where you can sit and pretend you're in a New-York neighbourhood bar, avoiding everybody else's gaze by staring at the mute news through the bottom of your beer glass, trying to remember what it is you're supposed to be worried about..."
Update: Seems to have calmed down considerably during the week.(19/07/03)
The Ram Bar [CLOSED]
Handy adjunct to The Edward and Bar Fusion. Cosy, popular with locals, busy at weekends, quiet during the week. 'Flexible' opening hours. (Note: not open on Mondays.) Internet access.
Update: Closed, sadly.
Upupdate: Now re-opened, with a new name, as a purportedly straight bar. Still quite a few familiar faces to be seen though, by all accounts.
Club Kali
If all the Asian Gaysocs in Britain's polytechnics held an annual get-together, it would probably be something like this. A friendly riot, once a month [?], but somewhat off the beaten track in Tufnell Park. First and third Friday of the month, from 10 till 3.
The Man Bar [A Bar as was]
Popular sex-club in a railway arch in Southwark (cf The Hoist.) Although the main bar now has a pool table, you wouldn't come here expecting to strike up a conversation, I think. Check the schedule in the gay press before you set out: different nights have different dress codes. (01/08/01)
"No alcohol after midnight" (09/09/01)
Different flavours on different nights: I've given up trying to keep track ever since I went on a Monday only to be told it was 'Bisexual Fetish Night'. (Still doing popular Underwear parties on Saturday and Sunday afternoons though.) (15/03/02)
Update: Boots-only parties on Mondays and Thursdays (02/02/04)
XXL
If you hadn't already worked it out from the name of the place, you can intuit what's going on here the moment you walk through the door: the first thing you notice after you've paid yourself in is a generous sweet-stall.
Inside, the situation is even clearer: it's as if somebody tore off the roof of the railway arches and poured in several sacks of boulders. Squeezing your way to the bar requires the dexterity of a minnow: once these guys have found their spot they tend to stick to it and, short of a stick of dynamite or two, nothing's going to shift them.
They're a friendly bunch though and, once your eyes have adjusted, you can see that the crowd is more disparate than you imagined. Most of them, to be sure, are built like beach-balls - but there's a fair few Muscle Mary's in here too, plus the odd skinny student and an ectomorph or two. Something for everyone.
Beyond the capacious bar, there's a well-populated dance-floor where a happy crowd is shamelessly indulging itself in some of the worst dancing I have ever seen south of Watford. It's fun.
Beyond that another, darker, arch and beyond that another bar, this one noticeably chattier, cruisier and buzzier than the first. Bar prices are reasonable and doubles are particularly popular: work that body-mass-to-alcohol ratio, girlfriend. (These gargantuan appetites are, sadly, reflected in the overflowing toilets.)
At the end of this bar, there's a small outside terrace. Well, no: it's a yard - but pleasant enough for all that, and fully in keeping with XXL's refreshingly unpretentious approach to decor. Luxurious it's not: inside, the concrete dance floor is noticeably uneven - another reason to find your spot and stick to it.
If you like big men, or you're a big man yourself, XXL's £8 entry fee is probably pretty good value for a fun night out, even though it's not immediately apparent what that money's being spent on. For those of us who simply appreciate a no-attitude late-opening bar on the right side of town, that price tips the scales to make it an occasional, rather than a regular, destination.
But if you're out in town late one Saturday and hungry for more, especially if you're mob-handed and all a little bit drunk, XXL would be a great place to continue the fun: safe, friendly and just a little bit rude. (10/09/01)
Update: Open on Saturdays from 10pm till 5am, also now on Wednesdays and Mondays, till 2am. (31/08/04)
Hard On [Fist as was]
15/05/01 "And speaking of fetish nights, guess who needs: 'a performer to be part of a show at the Three Pigs party on Bank Holiday Sunday May 27. You will be fisted by an amputee (left hand missing) and you must be able to play-pierce. I am offering guest list plus 75 and drinks.'"
Update: Moved to London Bridge and became Hard On - same strict dress code requirement, and (presumably) same outrageous antics, but now strictly members-only (as it were).
Update: Currently camping out at Crash (17/05/04)
Vauxhall Tavern
Open most nights of the week, but at its best on Sunday with Dane Edna's cabaret at the end of the afternoon. (In summer, spend the afternoon roosting on the grass behind the Tavern. You will not be alone.)
At its best on a warm afternoon in the summer, when the crowd of horny men spills out onto the surrounding street, and into the park behind the pub. Its popularity can cause claustrophobia; imminent air-conditioning may do something to relieve the heat exhaustion. (19/07/01)
Update: The Tavern hardly opens at all during the week these days. Fridays play host to an unsettled range of relatively quiet nights, and Saturday (of course) is Duckie, best visualised as a very good party at a provincial art school sometime in the Eighties.
Sundays go from strength to strength, but problems with the health and safety regulations mean that the Tavern is now much stricter about the number of people it tries to cram in. As of the time of writing, you would need to get there by 1700hrs at the very latest to be sure of seeing Dame Edna's exclusive show (01/08/02)
Still a great venue with a great show but testing its punters' patience somewhat with a price increase (to £6), an earlier show-time (5pm) and long, slow queues unless you turn up before 4 o'clock. (08/04/04)
See The A-Z of the Vauxhall Tavern and regular mentions in Blogadoon.
Crash
Busy weekend dance-club in a Vauxhall railway arch; monthly host to the eponymous 'Sleaze' (15/03/02)
Update: Gold star for anyone who can keep track of what nights happen when at Crash. Check the gay papers for ever-changing details of this and many other Vauxhall parties (02/02/04)
The Hoist
Now that Growl has opened next door to The Hoist, visiting the Vauxhall arches that house them can be a somewhat disorienting experience - if you follow your natural inclination after paying yourself in, you'll end up in the left-hand space amidst a crowd of larger-than-average men.
Fear not, you can still get through to The Hoist via the generously-proportioned dark-room at the back of the bar. Assuming you've taken the precaution of dressing appropriately, of course: Growl is a bear club, with no dress-code; The Hoist requires leather, rubber, uniform or 'industrial'.
Both rooms are pleasant, with attractive bar areas that shade off into darker nooks and crannies. Although The Hoist has no dark-room as such (though there's nothing to stop you wandering into Growl's) and people are at it all over the place, most especially on and under the raised central area. (Be aware that the raised area has a perforated floor: that may be pigeon-shit on the shoulder of your best leather jacket, but it probably isn't.) (28/07/01)
Update: I think 'Growl' has now been subsumed into a bigger, dancier Hoist.(15/08/03)
Fire
The arches next to The Hoist have been nicely revamped as a venue that hosts a variety of nights: Rude Boyz on Thursdays, Growlhouse (for bears) on Friday, Twist from 5am on Sunday morning.
Update: Actually, these days, who knows? Rude Boys still regular on Thursdays though, with signs of an occasional Sunday evening session. (31/08/03)
Action
Big meaty beaty Vauxhall club, with a reputation for fine visuals. Currently running every 1st and 3rd Saturday of the month from 11pm to 6am. (14/03/04)
Club Colosseum
Another Vauxhall club, whose various nights are quite frankly impossible to keep track of. Currently hosting Beyond every Sunday morning from 0430am onwards. 14/03/04
South Central [Dukes as was]
A quiet dark spacious pub just up the road from The Vauxhall Tavern, with two pool tables and a beer garden. Hosts regular bear-nights, a fact which is reflected in the size and shape of the majority of its customers and the name of its popular Friday nighter, Chunkies. (01/08/01)
Update: Under new management, not that you'd notice. Currently hosting wildly-successful Horse Meat Disco on the first Sunday of every month. (02/02/04)
Horse Meat Disco contimues crowded, now on the first and third Sundays of the month. Recommended. (31/08/04)
Substation South
See above.
Hope [CLOSED]
01/04/01 "Hope: the monthly Saturday-nite serviced by the two leading DJs from the Vauxhall-Sundays, hence many familiar friendly faces.
"It's a great venue, tarnished only slightly by it's location a fair walk south of Brixton, which means at least two night buses home for those of us who live north of da river.
"And I notice they have quite a bit of outside seating (more beer-tarmac than beer-garden) which should make it especially attractive once the weather gets a bit more clement - nice place to watch dawn percolating through, I'd guess."
Update: Didn't last very long. The George IV now hosts a night called Bed, on Sundays, which is opens till 5am. (02/02/04)
Love Muscle
Discussed here.
Update: The Fridge has changed hands; Love Muscle rumoured to return, but we'll see. (02/02/04)
Rapidly re-establishing a reputation as a wildly extravagant venue - with door prices to match. (Like, £17?) (31/08/04)
Kazbar
Very popular with the South (and south of) London set; less attitude than the West End, more middle-class than the East End.
Very very crowded on Saturday nights.
Only a short stagger away from The Two Brewers which keeps longer hours. (15/03/02)
The Little Apple
Small friendly local in Kennington. (19/07/01)
Skinner's Arms
Big horrible pub, quite some way from Oval tube. (15/03/02)
Update: Could be closed, for all I know, or care (02/02/04)
Two Brewers
Big friendly pub, with regular cabaret and a large dance floor.
Only a short stagger away from Kazbar which closes earlier. Cheap(ish) and cheerful(ish). Cabaret stage at the front, dance-floor at the back.(15/03/02)
Update: Contrary to vile rumour, now reopen following extensive refurbishment (17/05/04)
Coleherne
Once the oldest leather bar in London, this underwent a major refurbishment some years ago, and is now a bright, welcoming mega-pub.
Penny Farthing
Hammersmith. I think this has closed (14/08/03)
Up [CLOSED]
Smart Saturday-night club for the stand-and-model crowd (or as many of them as can bear to travel to Whitechapel). Press reports to the contrary, it was still not a regular weekly fixture as at the time of writing, so check carefully beforehand. (19/07/01)
Update: Didn't last (07/08/03)
Due South
Don't know if this still there (02/02/04)
Duke of Wellington
Long-running off-off-Islington pub, popular with the laydeez.
Route 73
Don't know if this still there (02/02/04)
Krystals
Name changed to something else. Possibly closed altogether(02/02/04)
Charlie's
Small local bar; assumed friendly.
The Black Horse
Always at least a little busy. Increasingly mixed, especially at weekends. Well-run, pool-table, special nights (karaoke, quiz, talent shows etc). In competition with the The White Swan.
The Ship
Small, friendly East End local hosted by drag-queen Dolores del Rio; handy for The White Swan.
Update: Not sure it's still going? (Del Rio moved to Malaga.)(02/02/04)
Still going. Very busy on the Sunday evening I went (cabaret night). (17/05/04)
Spiral Staircase [CLOSED]
See East End Pubs
Joiners Arms
See East End Pubs
Saturday nights have been very crowded lately; some kind of membership scheme looms. (17/05/04)
White Swan
See East End Pubs
The White Swan (aka BJs) opens up its dance floor at the weekends, when the atmosphere resembles nothing so much as your cousin's wedding: young boys in their best shirts, accompanied by a handful of drunken women, take to the dancefloor to do their best imitation of the moves they've copied from the videos. If you don't expect too much (and take care not to spill someone's pint) you may find a certain innocent charm.
Much quieter during the week, with the exception of Wednesdays: the notorious Amateur Strip Contest gets under way shortly after midnight.
Stunners
Originally a thoroughly non-legal party for transvestites and transexuals, in a damp railway arch on Kingsland Road, this bôite soon got sniffed out by the drunks that used to fall out from The Spiral Staircase down the road, and who very much appreciated the chance to go on drinking amidst an atmosphere of utter gender mayhem.
Stunners has now re-opened further east, a block away from The White Swan, on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. It's relatively pricey for what is, after all, a kinky shebeen with pretensions: admission is £10 for members and £15 for guests, with beer at £3 a can.
On the other hand, it's open till very late (8am on Saturday mornings, 10am on Sunday mornings), membership seems to be a relatively flexible concept, and the one night I've been I enjoyed throroughly. Be aware, though, that Stunners is not a specifically gay club: leave your expectations, along with your preconceptions, at the door - or, better yet, in the commodious cloakroom. (17/05/04)
Royal Oak
See East End Pubs
Update: The drug-fucked post-club Sunday morning scene apparently been encouraged to move along to the The Vic, just round the corner. Word is that The Oak is 'not a gay pub any more' - but I'll believe that when I see it. (17/05/04)
The Vic
Open every Sunday morning from 7am, thanks to the proximity of Columbia Road flower market, but still stumbling on when I got there at 3 in the afternoon. Seedy but fun - in a slightly dangerous kinda way: the back bar, as ever, is the wilder of the two rooms. (17/05/04)
Backstreet
See above.
Benjy's 2000
See above.
The Angel
Large, friendly, cheap gay bar - with a higher proportion of gay women than many other places. Regular cabaret, cheesey music. Worth visiting if you're in the area, but - be warned - it's a long way from most people would consider civilisation. Don't even think about coming here for the first time without consulting a map.
The best way to get here (barring an expensive minicab) is to travel to Stratford or Plaistow on the tube or DLR and then catch a bus three stops or so along West Ham Lane/Plaistow Road; get off opposite Manor Road, where the beginning of Church Street is marked by a trianagular pedestrian space with some shops and a pub: The Angel is a hundred yards or so further down Church Street, and difficult to miss. (31/08/04)
The Coronet
06/01/01 "Last night to the Coronet in Stratford: not a cinema but a large traditional East End pub (i.e. very mixed, rather low rent and - refreshingly - fuelled by alcohol rather than coke and K).
"The Coronet calls itself 'a Soho style bar in the heart of the East End' which is pushing it a bit on several fronts (especially if the omission of the hyphen between the second and third words is deliberate). But I found it friendly enough, and pretty easy to get to, so I might well go again."
Update: Seems to have closed. (31/08/04)
The Fort
Various nights, mostly louche. Off the beaten track, standard pub hours.
Update: Not heard anything of this for a while; it may have closed.(31/08/04)
George and Dragon
Off-off Greenwich (Not to be confused with the George and Dragon in Shoreditch, which is not - strictly speaking - a gay pub.)
The Gloucester
Large, attractive Greenwich pub. (I've never seen it busy.)
Bar Phoenix
Local pub in Lewisham. Haven't been.
Stonewall's
Another pub in Lewisham. Haven't been.
Jacomos
09/12/00 "I like Jacomos: it's that rare thing, a gay bar where you can have a conversation without shouting. (Middle-aged? Moi?)"
Update: Haven't been here for years, don't know if it's even still there. (I'm still middle-aged, however.) (01/03/04)
Trade [CLOSED]
What Heaven was to the 80s, Trade was to the 90s. Legendary when drugs and all-nite clubbing was new, it's lately become a wee bit stale. Still a must for out-of-towners though. (19/07/01)
Update: no longer a Saturday night fixture (the crowd moved to Vauxhall) but still resurfaces occasionally in various guises at various venues. (02/02/04)