January 27th - February 3rd 2002
Sunday Mother, naked
Saturday Ha ha ha
Friday Gehring, Ruda
Thursday Mobbed
Wednesday MoMatique
Tuesday This Crazy World
Monday Mini Me Mekon
Sunday 3rd February 2002
Google is splashed all across the front page of the Independent's magazine today. It's a bit like finding your mother on the Playboy centrefold.
Saturday 2nd February 2002
Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, I found the best club ever! And I know where it is, and you don't! And they have sex on the premises, and the beer is cheap and it's open till 6am, hoorah!
Friday 1st February 2002
An extraordinary rush on searches for Amy Gehring and Manuela Ruda here at Blogadoon in the last few days; checking my referrals just now reveals a solid twenty hits based on these two alone. What is it with you people?
Responsive as ever, however, we bring you an update:
Manuela Ruda the east german Goth, was accused, with her husband, of murdering their friend Frank Hackert because he was "so funny and would be the perfect court jester for Satan".
When police searched their flat they found -quote- skulls, scalpels stained with blood, vampire teeth and coloured contact lenses -unquote- and a coffin in which Manuela slept.
Manuela was sentenced yesterday to 13 years; a full report (yes, with picture) is here.
Amy Gehring a teacher, is tonight awaiting the verdict after a trial in which she was accused of having sex with two of her underage pupils.
The closing statement for the prosecution appears to have concentrated on countering the argument that the boys should have thought themselves lucky to be having sex with a mature adult, a theory that was conspicuously absent in the recent trial of Jonathan King. (But then again, can you imagine anybody considering themselves lucky to have sex with Jonathan King?)
The closing statement for the defence asked the jury to consider how likely it was that Gehring would have removed her boots, trousers and underwear to have sex on the floor of a wet alleyway. (Ms Gehring must be hoping there were no gay men in the jury box.)
You'll find a report of the judge's summing-up (yes, with picture) here.
Thursday 31st January 2002
Gareth is gorgeous say gays
Pop idol favourite Gareth Gates is fast becoming Britain's hottest gay icon.
Hunky Gareth, 17, was mobbed by homosexuals when he went to watch Boy George's musical Taboo.
The Culture Club's star admitted yesterday: "All the poofs were swooning."
"I have such a crush on him. It's the stutter that does it."
And club promoter Jeremy Joseph confirmed: "Lots of gays fancy Gareth."
"He has that cute boyish charm and innocence about him."
"Teenage girls love him - but so do gay guys."
Jeremy, who has tried to book the young wannabe for his London nightspot GAY added" "Everyone's asking me, 'When are you going to get him to sing?'"
But Gareth is not the only Pop Idol star with a firm gay following.
Will Young, 23, is right behind him in the pin-up stakes.
Jeremy added: "Will has that cheekiness that appeals to everyone.
"I think he and Gareth will be in the final.
"And at the end I'd love them to say, 'We're not going to compete against each other, we're going to team up as a duo.'
"Can you imagine how well they'd do together?"
Jeremy revealed: "We booked Darius for GAY last year to sing Britney's Baby One More Time - and he got booed off stage. I'm not convinced by his new look, I'm afraid."
- Daily Star yesterday.
So much for the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name.
Wednesday 30th January 2002
I hope we're all following the trial of Amy Gehring, the Surrey schoolteacher accused of seducing numerous 15 year old boys. And following it for the best possible reasons.
You'll recall that Jonathan King was jailed for seven years for a string of similar offences. If Gehring is found guilty, her sentence will no doubt produce a, shall we say, salutary comparison.
Which segues neatly to...
...Those headlines.
I was so annoyed that I lost my...?
Given the sorry state of The Sun's piss-poor excuse for a website, I'm afraid you'll just have to take my word for it that the complete headline for a story about the Gehring trial was: I was so annoyed I lost my virginity to teacher in a toilet.
Twins for wife who kept...?
Twins for wife who kept testicle in coffee flask.
Milkman puts out shop fire...?
Milkman puts out shop fire with 320 pints.
Death tolls page updated to include at least 600 people (and possibly as many as 2,000) killed following a series of explosions at a munitions dump in Lagos.
(My apologies for the continuing lack of an entry for September 11th, but the figures continue to fall: 3,900 as per my last record.)
Oh dear. I know its the height of bad manners to laugh at one's own jokes, even in translation, but I can't remember the last time I laughed as much as when I read Blogadoon fed through the mincing machine that is Mo's translation machine...
Sometimes it speaks with an oracular wisdom worth its weight in gold, as with these newly-titled blogs from the blogmarks page:
These places of assembly are arranged according to any kind system -
- Little house Swish
- Fruchtsirup in London
- emergency-so-softly
- 9 under age (Simon)
- Support flange
- Bang! (pendulums)
- uselessly! worthlessly! fad! (microphone)
- The daily nail without head
- Straight one a little strangely
At others, it produces either cryptic crossword clues ("Document under overbloody time: Homosexual sex law, which transferred savage, is upset") or imitations of Stanley Unwin: ("Shows bizzare to the maintenance with the aid of a humming handmaschine.")
At its best, and with only a little light editing, it produces pure poetry:
To the protection against these damed sea nebulas, which goes in the lower surface of a life raft furiously, how I recall.
You enjoy? Which legend I?
I come on radix complements; to request actively is not my kind.
I pull it forwards to see me as full in front: "for services permitting readers to experience vicarious maintenance..."
Owing to, Vaughan.
In one epic to creeping by six staffs in five hours.
Do to us all a preference
And stout them above with any gymnastic installation.
Favourite, if you are suitable thirty a yearly sleeveless waistcoat, forms indeed you for view sporty and athletically
Remind, a firm rubber top side are quite best: a difficult view for receiving.
To the level of the mild attractive (however, rather stupid) person
Run in down tears, cries "simple Shnot..."
Say "that very expensive two pints milk is
hoho."
Tuesday 29th January 2002
Oh what the hell, why not - another one of those "This Crazy World" collections of trivia torn from the newspapers:
Shee, I told you I'm not shenile: Alcohol can help prevent dementia.
Couple suffocate in shower. Suffocate?! I hear you cry. Drowned surely? Nope. Suffocate.
And I see The Titanic has sunk. Again.
Memo to Internet bride auctioned for £250,000.
Darling girl, if you're really such a hot-shot internet whiz, might it not be a good idea to do a vanity search before you commit yourself to such a cunning stunt?
After all, you wouldn't want people comparing quotes like this:
"I thought that by creating an online auction I would be able to prove that the internet is not full of cyber-geeks and there are normal people out there."
with quotes like this:
"I have to say, there's not a lot I wouldn't do to ensure the ongoing success of the company. If I have to look a pratt to get us some exposure then fine; I can offer continuing job security as a result."
File under About-Bloody-Time: Gay sex law that convicted Wilde will be overturned.
And finally, Tuesday being Quiz Day, complete these headlines:
I was so annoyed that I lost my...?
Twins for wife who kept...?
Milkman puts out shop fire...?
Answers tomorrow.
Monday 28th January 2002
I thought I was joking when I spoke about Jack Hawkins as a role-model, but the more I think about it, the more I go hmmm.
You may remember Hawkins, if at all, only as a slightly camp movie villain and later, after his throat cancer, as a guest on chat-shows talking with the aid of a bizzare hand-held buzzing machine.
But in his early career, he was the epitome of the burly naval commander, forever growling on the bridge with a pair of binoculars slung round his neck and a duffle-coat to guard against these damed sea-mists.
I seem to recall being shown quite a few of those movies when at school, so he would make an appropriate role-model. Who else was there in those films, after all - only Dickie Attenborough going mad in the bottom of a life-boat, as I recall.
Interestingly enough, I remember no cowboy pictures. But then again, it's well-known that gays don't do cowboys (except in real-life, which is a whole other story.)
What else? The occasional Carry On film. Precious little role-model material there. (Quiet at the back.)
Maybe the odd Hollywood made-in-Britain movie, for which read David Niven - something slightly camp to ameliorate Hawkins' bluster.
And of course there were no space-operas at all in those days. Or not on film at any rate. Only in children's comics, and then only the ridiculously lantern-jawed Dan Dare who, even at that age, I found hopelessly humourless.
No, I guess there was only one potential role-model in the bunch...
The Mekon was Dan Dare's arch-enemy, an extra-terrestrial Doctor No, and it seems to me that maybe I've allowed him to influence my whole life: no body to speak of but a brain the size of a small planet, interested only in world-domination and spoiling things for others and, the kicker, surviving on an entirely liquid diet.
Like the frog said, being green isn't easy. But that flying saucer personal transportation device? How cool is that?
......previous entries