January 23rd - February 4th 2006
Sunday Jesus wept
Saturday Piccadilly Circus
Friday Dark secrets
Thursday Piccadilly Circus
Wednesday Very now
Tuesday Wapping
Monday Just in time
Sunday 4th February
So it's Easter, and Bryan and Alan are taking an extended city-break in Jerusalem, a treat to cheer themselves up after all the flack they've been getting lately, and they're looking for somewhere half decent to get a couple of lattes when they see this huge crowd up ahead.
And so, being naturally curious, they draw nigh, and squirm their way through the angry mob until they can see, coming down the road, this half-naked bloke being whipped through the streets carrying this bloody big cross on his shoulder.
And Alan turns to Bryan and says, "Jesus Christ!"
And Bryan replies, in that infuriating way, "You're not wrong." And then, after a pause, "You don't think..?" And Alan says, "Worth a try, I'd say."
So they force their way to the front of the crowd, and start calling out, and Jesus, understandably intrigued by the only two voices shouting anything other than variations on "Crucify the bastard!", drags his burden over to where they're standing at the crowd barrier.
"Hello," says Alan.
Jesus rearranges the weight on his shoulders slightly, in a manner that subtly communicates that he has a long way to go yet and he hopes their intervention is going to stretch to something a little weightier than asking for an autograph.
"Tell him, Bryan." says Alan. And Alan, only slightly star-struck, says "The thing is, we're gay right, and in all modesty we reckon we've got ourselves pretty well set up in life, nice car, decent careers, maisonette in a decent area, Waitrose once a week, all that bollocks."And lately we've been thinking there's got to be more to life than that, and we decided to look into adopting..."
And Jesus gives them a look.
And Bryan says, "Yeah. And the thing is, our families have been surprisingly good about it, actually. But now we've got archbishops and the like on our case, refusing to deal with us because they have to serve the needs of children with good conscience, blah blah blah.."
"And you being the fount of all modern morality and that..." says Alan.
"..and a man who had two fathers himself..." says Bryan, yelping as Alan kicks his ankle.
"We appreciate you probably have other things on your mind right now," continues Alan, giving Bryan such a look. "But we'd really appreciate some input."
And Jesus says...
We don't know what Jesus would have said of course - though the world is not short of people who'd be happy to tell us, chapter and verse.
It's easier to imagine what Jesus would not have said.
(And we can pretty certain he didn't say, "That Jade Goody! Thick or what?")
Saturday 3rd February
Piccadilly Circus, Winter 2007
Friday 2nd February
Obama prepares to unveil his secret weapon
(Oh c'mon, you thought it too.)
Thursday 1st February
Piccadilly Circus, Winter 2007
Wednesday 31st January
"The wow starts now," Bill Gates told London today as launched yet another Microsoft operating system on an all-too-suspecting public.
This weekend I shall be attempting to edit using a work machine that has just been laboriously adapted to allow me to twitch to and fro between operating systems.
The reason for this dramatic challenge? The latest revision of our core file-distribution software won't work on the OS that the other 300 or so in-house computers still have installed.
And the operating systems I shall be switching to and from?
Windows 2000 and (gasp!) Windows XP.
'Now' is a flexible concept, Bill.
Tuesday 30th January
Wapping, Winter 2007
Monday 29th January
Inasmuch as I would ever admit to being a fan of a retailer, I'm quite taken by Pret-a-Manger's public persona: the way they advertise the content of their sandwiches by printing their bags with recipes that start "How you can make a..", the tiny note they have stuck to their tills that says something like "Sorry we have to always ask if you want your food to eat in or take-away but government regulations insist on different rates of VAT depending on where the food is consumed. Nightmare!", and so on.
But I have to say my faith took a little knock yesterday, when I noticed the partially hand-written sign they have up on the wall, declaring that "Today's coffee was 'Just Roasted' on: 12/01/07".
'Just Roasted'? A fortnight ago? I think they mean "'just' roasted".
......previous week
