Sept 18th - Sept 24th 2006
Sunday SPBNYCACO
Saturday Borough Market
Friday Deer Hunt
Thursday Wapping
Wednesday Otaku
Tuesday Wapping
Monday Scissors/Shears
Sunday 24th September
The Victorians, it seems, had a Society for the Protection of Boys Not Yet Convicted of Any Criminal Offence.
Leaving aside how absurdly Blairite that sounds, I can't help thinking they'd have done great business down at The White Swan most nights.
(And, yes, I mean you, goofy-cute boy who stripped down to his absurdly multicoloured underwear on Saturday(!) night, as everybody else pretended to look elsewhere whilst calculating that you could probably be had for the price of a bag of chips.)
Saturday 23rd September
Borough Market, Autumn 2005
Friday 22nd September
Having, as I do, a surname that could equally serve as a first name, I should be accustomed by now to the idea that people might accidentally write to me as "Dear Martin" without meaning any offence.
But after years of public-school education, it still annoys me to be thus addressed, especially by some snitty little witch from payroll intent on bilking me out of a few pounds of hard-earned holiday pay.
I probably shouldn't have replied at all, but with a name like Jane Hunt, she really was asking for it...
Thursday 21st September
Wapping, Summer
Wednesday 20th September
Just as Jamie Oliver's sterling work on behalf of the nation's ill-nourished school-children has overcome his long-standing image as a despicable mockney twat, Jonathan Ross's increasing commitment to things oriental (initially aired in his BBC3 cinema programme Asian Invasion) is working wonders for a man I've hitherto perceived as good for nothing but late-night cheap-shot chat-show television.
His latest outing, similarly free-viewable on BBC3, is called Japanorama - here's how episode 2 begins:
[Jonathan stands amid the blazing neon of downtown Tokyo, He addresses the camera:]
"The single biggest recent trend in Japan has got to be the ascendancy, or even supremacy, of one specific social group.
"Which brings us to tonights word...
[smiley Japanese girl pronounces: 'Otaku']
...which means...
['Geek'] or ['Nerd']
"That's right. Otaku are mostly young men, who are often socially inept, and obsessed with things like comic books, animation, computer games, and of course, collectible figures; young men with whom I feel a very strong personal bond.
"Because if you were to strip away the contact lenses, the snazzy clothes [gestures at his own outfit: red blazer, white shirt and tie, yellow gloves, yellow flat hat], the £500 pound haircut, and the endearing speech impediment that I have so carefully nurtured over the many years I've been on television, then you would see the otaku lurking within, an otaku who has a very keen and special interest in tonight's programme...
"Otaku: people of many special interests."
Tuesday 19th September
Wapping, Summer 2006
Monday 18th September
Having previously adumbrated my brief meeting with Jake Shears at an early Horse Meat Disco, I'm reluctant to return to it, but...
As you may recall, having seen Scissor Sisters live at a semi-secret gig underneath the arches in Vauxhall the previous night, I was more than a little disconcerted to find myself introduced to their (cute! charming! naughty!) front man by a friend of a friend the very next day.
And so, of course, I babbled briefly, the way you do, and heard myself uttering the immortal line, "One day you'll make a really good stadium band!"
Happily, I was too ashamed (and too drunk) to accurately decode the look that floated across Master Shears's face on hearing this.But in retrospect I can all too easily imagine it: 2% gratification, 20% ennui, 28% irritation and 50% awe at being so comprehensively patronised by someone who - if he did but know it - doesn't know his musical arse from his elbow. (There may even have been room in there for a little embarrassment - but, then again: Jake Shears does not embarass easily.)
Since that brief meeting, as any fule kno, Scissor Sisters have done rather well, at least in this country: four hit singles, three Brit Awards..
They've also headlined at Glastonbury, appeared at Live8 - and, this Saturday, they headed the line-up in Trafalgar Square.
So this much at least I can say: I wasn't wrong.
(None of which goes to excuse what was, by all accounts, some totally diva-esque acting-out by Mr Shears at the last night of Marvellous early yesterday morning..)
......previous week
