August 14th - 20th 2006
Sunday Search me
Saturday Regents Park
Friday Dripping
Thursday Well Timed
Wednesday Lambeth County Show
Tuesday Wow
Monday Stand down
Sunday 20th August
My goodness, it's my whole personal life. I had no idea somebody was looking over my shoulder.
- Thelma Arnold, a 62-year-old widow, has a derrr-moment on discovering that a New York Times reporter has tracked her down the data trail from AOL's supposedly anonymous release of Web search queries.
Saturday 19th August
Regents Park, Summer 2006
Friday 18th August
Given Blogadoon's ongoing commitment to the idiosyncracies of the British press, I imagine that many of you believe I subscribe to every paper each day, just to keep you up to date.
Sadly, dear reader, it is not so; I pick up what I can from the papers left behind in the smoking room.
Thus it was that, a day or so ago, I stumbled across a copy of the Daily Sport - a periodical that does not, as a rule, loom large in my journalistic cosmogony.
I hesitate to call it a newspaper, though it certainly looks like one (albeit one of the rougher sort), is published regularly, is sold from newstands and does, indeed, contain items of breaking news ("Sex swap secret of JonBenet killer", "Saucy e-mail teacher jailed").
You have to look quite carefully for the news, buried as it is beneath umpteen kiss-and-tell stories ("Sex-mad Jen loved to do it on the beach") and predictable celebrity roughage ("Wife's my life, says Douglas"); roughly fifty per cent of its pages are given over to adverts for sex phone lines ("Don't chat to mingers! Swap hot pics before you meet!").
The front-page story that initially drew my attention concerned Nikki, the demented eight-year-old recently evicted (for the second and last time) from the Big Brother Howse: "Would you pay her £500 an hour for sex?"
On balance, I think I'd pay her that just to sit in a corner and be quiet but, too late, I found myself further intrigued by the purported inside story of fellow howse-mate Imogen's "Homemade Porn Movie" and, in particular, the, er, blow-by-blow description of what it shows.
(Remember, I don't write this stuff: I just transcribe it.)
From today there are even MORE SEXsational clips and pix for you to download.
The video, which can be see by texting XXXXX to NNNNNN, starts with 23-year-old and the well-hung guy on a double bed.
She climbs on top of him and as she is giving him a BLOW-JOB and w*nking him off, he returns the favour by giving her a good tongueing.
She holds his head down between her legs as he laps up her love juices.
She throws her legs up into the air as he thrusts his WILLY in and out of her with some force.
There are also close-ups of her shaven vadge as she spreads herself WIDE for the video!
The hunky fella then enters her again and Imogen grabs the camera and films both their dripping bits as he thrusts in and out.
After a few minutes he shoots his load all over her nether regions - then enters her sopping fanny again to carry on BONKING!
Carry On Bonking, indeed.
Leaving aside the genius logic that moves remorselessly from charging to evict Big Brother contestants to charging to see them having sex (and moving quickly past suspicions of just how complicit the contestants themselves might be in all this...) what glorious language.
I never thought to see "nether regions' and "sopping fanny" used in the same sentence; I find "shaven vadge" almost literally breathtaking. And "dripping bits" is a euphemism I intend to adopt forthwith.
Shouldn't there be prizes for this kind of thing?
Thursday 17th August
Once past the bemusing news, lurking in a Penguin press release, that recent research classified "heavy readers" as those who read more than four books a year, I fell to musing that if publishers can't publish more than four books a year worth reading, they really have no-one to blame but themselves.
A year or three ago, I had a page here called "These We have Loved", devoted in part to books that I, and those who read with me, considered truly commendable. I took it down a while ago - because it seemed to have been a long time since I'd stumbled across anything worth reading.
I find myself reading a lot less these days - two books a month rather than two a week - but I'm straining to remember anything that I've read in the last few years that would qualify.Small Island was good, in a small way. And I really enjoyed On Beauty. Saturday was quite nice. Other than that...nothing.
Line of Beauty? Vastly over-rated. Cloud Island? Over-complicated. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell? Over-long. Never Let Me Go? Over-attenuated.
And then, like a bright moon in a dark sky, up comes The Time Traveller's Wife - a definite candidate for These We Have Loved status, with adorable characters, great wit, a gripping plot and something new to think about on every page.
Read it - and weep.
Wednesday 16th August
Lambeth County Show, Summer 2006
Tuesday 15th August
There's only so much time to do stuff, so I do as much as I possibly can so when I'm gone, people will go, 'Wow, he was good.'
Or, 'He wasn't so good but he did a lot of stuff.'
- Samuel L Jackson goes some way toward explaining what on earth he's doing in Snakes on a Plane
Monday 14th August
Gee, I guess it depends on which source you listen to...
Security sources tell the Independent that "as many as 1,200 people here are actively involved with terrorism, and that the country is still under 'very severe threat' from other potential terrorist plots"
[Love that 'potential' btw].
"This, they added, explained why there were no immediate plans to lower the current national threat assessment from 'critical', its highest level."
"The terrorist threat level being faced by the UK has been downgraded from critical to severe, the Home Office said today."
......previous week
