December 6th 2004 - December 12th 2004
Sunday Janet
Saturday Nanny state
Friday Heads up
Thursday Shirtlifted
Wednesday Jake
Tuesday Hikikomori
Monday To the Club
Sunday 12th December 2004
As the horror that was You've Never Heard of Me, Get Me Out of Here sinks swiftly below the horizon (has it always ended so conveniently close to the panto season?), a few extracts from Janet Sleep-Oughta's behind-the-scenes jungle diary:
22 November 2004:
Try a little chat and "bond" with the troubled little fellow {Brian]. He's a bag of nerves and I persuade him not to take his antidepressants.
24 November 2004
Paul moaning to me about lack of TV work. He's clearly resentful of people like Julian Fellowes (writer of Gosford Park).
25 November 2004
Natalie and Sophie return from Celebrity Chest hunt not speaking...Honestly, this is like a mental hospital ward.
26 November 2004
Brian explodes, says he is "sick of rules", tears his microphone off and says he is leaving. This later turns out to be the day his girlfriend has arrived in Australia.
1 December 2004
Sophie generally announces she's going for a swim 15 minutes in advance to allow the cameras to get into position, and is now claiming "I'm the only one who has been a drug addict in here" as if it's a badge of honour.
2 December 2004
Paul is desperate that we all come up with a serious subject to discuss after our meal, and in an attempt to get "conversation" started he asks me my favourite season. I just laugh insanely.
3 December 2004
I talk to Paul about his need to lay the past to rest. Why not see a therapist? I tell him they would probably ask the following question (Sophie agrees): "If you could wrap a piece of fabric tightly around you that sums up your inner self, what would it be? He replies "velvet" and she screams with laughter and retorts, "Are you sure you're not gay?" Later I discover this is cut from the transmitted show.
5 December 2004
Paul and Fran go off on a Celebrity Chest hunt and return not speaking. Fran refused to be lashed behind Paul to climb a web together. Not the kind of photo opportunity that Mr Macho is comfortable with...I am secretly asked by the producers to get Paul to talk about Diana as they feel the programme is boring...I tell Paul and Joe that I think the winning threesome will probably be all men, because I've spent my working life in telly and know that the producers will always try to come up with something that's never been done before.
7 December 2004
Evicted! I hadn't realised that so many people really wanted me to win. But at the end of the day, I did it my way...I'm sorry we didn't discuss the war in Iraq, the plight of pensioners, or the state of the National Health Service, but this is a prime-time entertainment series and I was always mindful that my role was to provoke my fellow campers...I hope you enjoyed watching it!
Saturday 11th December 2004
8/12/04: Blunkett nanny to give evidence in visa inquiry
10/12/04: Nominee's nanny woes were blessing for president
12/12/04: Dark side of Mary Poppins
Friday 10th December 2004
Headlines we can only hope to see
Berlusconi begins jail sentence
Harry wounded as platoon comes under fire
Footballer awes Question Time audience
We made a terrible mistake, says Blair
Bush twins bare all for breast cancer charity
Thursday 9th December 2004
Shirtlifters of the World, Unite
I'm no fan of football (did you guess?), but with two office tvs tuned constantly to whatever match is being played, I can't avoid it these days.
Nor can I avoid the nagging sense that's it's somehow less enjoyable than it used to be - not on a play-by-play basis (God forbid I should actually follow the match) but on glance-over oh-thats-nice kinda way.
And now I know why: from July 1st 2004, it became a yellow-card offence for a player to remove his shirt on the pitch.
Adrian Chiles has the details.
(Fellow fans of football clichés will want to read about The Football Lexicon; I hope it includes my own favourite commentator's tic, "And what a night this is turning out to be!" - something I'm seriously considering adopting as my weekend mantra.)
Wednesday 8th December 2004
Blogadoon generally considers itself somewhat above the lifting of links first found on other sites, especially those as august as Popbitch.
When it comes to the Scissor Sisters' front-man, however, all bets are off, hence this link to Jake Shears (distressingly coy) online profile at BigMuscle.com.
Tuesday 7th December 2004
Talking of staying in - the next time someone attempts to persuade you out on the town against your better judgement, simply say: Hikikomori
Monday 6th December 2004
Yes, indeed, it's been another one of those weekends: Friday at, where else, The White Swan and then Trailer Trash on Kingsland Road, Saturday at The Black Horse and then Sunday at the inimitable Horse Meat Disco - for an epic night, ripe with intrigue, most of which went, whoosh!, straight over my head.
I've had a run of only so-so nights off lately, to the extent that I've seriously considered - if only for a nano-second - trying to invent something new to do with my scant leisure-time (Join a glee-club? Midnight swimming? Macramé?) I just can't handle the hangovers and come-downs any more.
But after a weekend like this...? I guess I'll give it a few more years.
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