November 28th 2004 - December 5th 2004
Sunday Behind you
Saturday Many Happy Returns
Friday On the shelf
Thursday Reef not
Wednesday Horse milk
Tuesday Fits
Monday Turkey
Sunday 5th December 2004
WE'RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU
Queens are rooting for Burrell
CAMP Paul Burrell could become king of the jungle after gay punters lined up to get behind him - at the bookies.
Thousands have been queuing to back the former royal butler with their pink pounds since he started singing show tunes and dressing up [on I'm a Celebrity...].
Thousands have been queing to back the former royal butler with their pink pounds since he started singing show tunes and dressing up.
Gay fan Darren Davis, 25, from Merseyside, said "Paul seems a great guy - certainly the campest contestant. He's already showed he is into musicals and a massive fan of The Wizard of Oz. If he carries on the way he is going, he will return to Britain as a gay icon."
Bookmakers Totesport have cut his odds of winning from 6-1 to 9-2. Spokesman Paul Petrie, referring to a famous gay hang out in London, said "We have seen plenty of action for Paul Burrell over the past few days. There is no doubt he has the support of Old Compton Steet."
Ladbrokes spokesman Warren Lush said "Paul's camp behaviour has been a big hit with the viewers. We have seen the colour of money for Paul - and we suspect a lot of it is pink."
Dave Stevens of Coral added "Our betting shops in Brighton have seen a lot of trade."
- report from the Daily Star's "Peter Dyke in Australia" [sic].
Saturday 4th December 2004
Happy birthday Blogadoon - four years old today
Odd, looking back, how some things never change: Blogadoon's first week demonstrates an all-too-familiar mix of deadlines and debauch (plus namechecks for Damien Hirst, David Saunders and umpteen bars).
(That week also features a visit to the Pop Quiz at the Retro Bar, a habit we fell out of a year or so ago. And which we serendipitiously fell back into again this Tuesday, when Jonathan, David and I, quite by chance, found ourselves, after a catch-up with said Saunders, all simultaneously available, and up for it. And we won - with a clear twenty out of twenty. Not one single point of which was down to me, plus ça change).
Friday 3rd December 2004
There is something especially erotic about libraries; they offer so many opportunities for flirtation but none at all for consummation. I think of libraries as the heterosexual equivalent of gay saunas - if gay saunas were ruthlessly patrolled by unsmiling librarians. 
Non-consummation? I think perhaps Nicholas Blincoe needs to get out more.
Thursday 2nd December 2004
Nobody ever accused me of being over-sensitive.
Come to that, nobody ever accused me of being sensitive at all: given the choice between non-offence and a cheap laugh, it's the cheap laugh every time.
So when I had to come up with a two word headline for a piece about a scientific study demonstrating a clear link between cannabis consumption and psychosis, the choice was clear:
Reefer madness
Wednesday 1st December 2004
Just think about it for a moment: Horse milk
Tuesday 30th November 2004
As he cannot be supposed to have found leisure for any course of continued study, his pieces are commonly short, such as one fit of resolution would produce.
The incomparable Samuel Johnson on John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester as it happens, but if the cap fits...
Monday 29th November 2004
Of course we can't show it! It's like the last turkey in the shop before Christmas
A fascinating simile, I think you'll agree. And not, on the face of it, much of a compliment - nobody would want to think of themselves left palely loitering on the shelf, especially not as such a festive season.
But - think on.
What's the prevailing characteristic of Christmas turkeys? That's right: size. And which turkeys get left on the shelf? Why, the ones that are too large for even the greediest amongst us to cope with.
So what's being described here?
If I tell you it's a quote from ITV's This Morning show, you might think twice. But if I tell you it was uttered by Philip Schofield - not exactly heavy in his hobnails - you might revert to your original guess.
You're right, of course. They're talking about Darius Danesh's cock (and that grinding noise you hear is Lord Reith turning in his narrow grave.)
......previous week
