April 5th 2004 - April 11th 2004
Sunday Mmm
Saturday Aha
Friday Hmmm
Thursday Ugh
Wednesday Hah
Tuesday Hurrrrrrrr
Monday Hurrrr
Sunday 11th April 2004
I don't watch Eastenders these days, but I often catch a few minutes from the Sunday afternoon omnibus edition as I struggle to set the VCR before setting out for a night's debauch.
Today, pertinently enough, it was Dot Cotton rattling her cutlery and exclaiming: "It haint a 'oliday, it's an 'oly festival!"
A lesson there for us all, I think.
Saturday 10th April 2004
A few weeks ago, slightly against my better judgement, I found myself in The White Swan on a Monday evening: scarcely a dozen others, and a strip act due on at midnight.
Around 1130, the door swung open to reveal a burly forty year old in a badly stained black suit. He hauled himself up to the bar, ordered a treble scotch and asked for some cigarettes. When the bartender pointed to the cigarette machine, he handed him a tenner: "Yeah, twenny Bensons, keep the change, ta."
The stripper came on shortly after that, but I kept one eye on the drunk, who was maintaining the bartender in some intimate confessional conversation, entirely ignoring the stripper pouring oil over himself on stage. The door opened again at some point: "Is that my driver? Tell 'im I'll be there in a bit."
Later, as the bar began to empty, and the pot-boy started mopping down the stage, the man in the suit weaved his way across to the attractive boy standing next to me. I couldn't hear the conversation, but I could see the drunk pleading, the boy smiling, slightly scared, shaking his head.
My turn next. "Wouldya like a drink. Anyfing you want. 'Ave a double."
"You're very kind, but I'm going now."
"Nah, go on. Help me celebrate. The fing is: I came out today."
"Oh. I won't have a drink, but I will shake you by the hand."
(And look you sincerely in the eye before you move onto the next customer. And resist the temptation to say something clevah about your bizarre choice of venue in which to celebrate a late coming-to-terms with your sexuality.)
Later, much later, recounting this at the office, someone pointed out that maybe it wasn't the closet he was coming out of. Let's hope it wasn't a twenty five year stretch: I'm gussing The Swan was a straight pub back then...
Friday 9th April 2004
"I don't think we're in Anne Frank territory here."
Thursday 8th April 2004
Found myself thinking about that old chestnut, the ideal dinner party, the other night.
My guest list is far from complete, but so far it consists of: Johnny Vegas, Brian Sewell, Jeremy Clarkson, Stephen Bayley and Prince Edward.
Only two conditions: I don't have to be at table myself, and I have sole access to the ventilation system...
Wednesday 7th April 2004
Well now, here is (in distinct contrast to yesterday's post) a miracle of sorts: a recent picture of me that, whilst relatively accurate (and drastically cropped to exclude all other extraneous objects - including Marcus, who has his own blog, and can post his own damn pictures), doesn't actually make me want to go and live under the duvet for the next twelve months:
(The thought bubble to go with the photograph reads: "I guess I could tell them that the birthday present I just delivered includes sausages, which ought to go in the fridge some time soon, but then I'd have to explain that they're not just any old sausages, and shortly after that they'd be going 'ostrich sausages?!' and I don't really see any way for the conversation to meaningfully develop beyond that, except perhaps to explain that there's also chile fudge, so.. oh fuck, a camera.")
Tuesday 6th April 2004
Some half a dozen of my friends travelled half way round the globe to Mardi Gras in Sydney this year.
One couple extended their trip by a month or so in order to go completely round the world. Just before they left, they were telling me how they looked forward to the chance to cut down on their drug use.
Let's see how they're getting on:
Monday 5th April 2004
Overheard at Horse Meat Disco
Pano: Ah, there you are.
Me: Here I am. I saw Andy, and David, Jason and Guy. Where's the rest of them?
Pano: Over there. Or by the pool table. Or..I don't know. I shall go find them.
Time passes
Pano: I found them, at the back. Your presence is requested.
Me: Excuse me? I have seat at the bar. I am right at the edge of the dance floor. And I am within groping distance of the Second Most Beautiful Boy in the World. I don't think so.
Time passes
David: Ohmigod, who's that? I think I'm in love.
Me: Well quite.
Time passes
Total stranger: You look so serene: sitting happily in the middle of all this chaos.
Me: Hurrrr.
......previous week
