March 3rd 2003 - March 9th 2003
Sunday Pivotal
Saturday Serene
Friday Badgered
Thursday Insufficent funds
Wednesday Versatility
Tuesday Beastliness
Monday Uncle Simeon
Sunday 9th March 2003
Conversation at the office: an ongoing series
Non-english speaker: What is 'a see-saw'?
(Nano-pause)
Resident pedant: A device found in children's playgrounds, consisting of a plank of wood with a seat at each end, the whole rotating around a central pivot such that each of a pair of seated children can, in turn, thrust themselves away from the ground whilst simultaneously forcing their partner to descend thereto.
Non-english speaker: Oh. Thank you. (Nano-pause) What does 'rotate' mean?
Saturday 8th March 2003
As if to confirm its translation from staid old Peterborough to vibrant new 'London Spy", the Daily Telegraph's new diary column led a recent edition with a story about a celebrated British actor's love affair with a 23 year old model.
Nothing too radical about that, you might think. Until you learn the identity of the star in question: "Could Sir Ian McKellen have rekindled his on-off love affair with Kiwi model Nick Cuthell, a man 40 years his junior?"
Serena, you will recall, was most recently featured in Blogadoon for his claim to frequent The White Swan, a hostelry with which I myself am not unfamiliar, and where indeed I myself happened to spot a luminary of slightly lesser light just last night.
Conscious of the substantial tips available to contributors to newspaper gossip columns, it was only with grave difficulty that I resisted enquiring as to the truth of recent allegations concerning bum-touching in Manchester night-clubs.
But if I'd had a camera with me, I can't promise I wouldn't have tried to snap him when he snogged his not-unattractive young partner...
Friday 7th March 2003
Ron Davies has now added to the catalogue of low-comedy surrounding his denial that he was looking for love in a lay-by with claims that he often frequents the nearby woods, "looking for badgers".
Will this be enough to save his political career?
Badgered if I know.
Thursday 6th March 2003
Speaking as one who has, all to often in my glory days, breathed a heavy sigh of relief on opening my bank statement and finding myself in credit to the tune of a grand or so, and then read more closely and discovered that I am, in fact, a grand or so overdrawn, I have to admit to a sneaking sympathy for the operative responsible for announcing to the world that the Notting Hill bank account of suspected terrorist Khalid al-Fawwaz contained 23.19 million pounds - a figure that actually was: £23.19
(But only a small sneaking sympathy: like they say, truth is the first casualty of war...)
And what with all the current antagonism between the Old World and the New, I can also just about manage a wry smile at the headline with which the Washington Post celebrates World Book day today.
British Say American's Book Is the Best
I have a better suggestion to make though (especially if you're not overly enamoured of official suggestion Terry Pratchett): why not celebrate World Book Day by buying something originally written in a language not your own?
Wednesday 5th March 2003
Pronounced 'Oh, bitcheries"
Scanning the obituary of the German actor Horst Buchholz in today's Independent, one spots the picture and caption set at the bottom of the left hand column, noting with approval that they've chosen a photo that shows him looking considerably more toothsome than in his later years, when he began to look so much the Teutonic industrialist that you half expected to see Red Army Factionalistas hovering at his shoulder.
One assumes the caption is fair comment, given the range of parts he played, and one moves on to skim the obituary itself, settling on the last paragraph:
After playing a lady's man for many years, Buchholz reportedly admitted to the weekly Bunte magazine in 2000 that he had bisexual tendencies. Whatever the truth, he remained married to his French wife Myriam Bru.
Naughty caption!
Tuesday 4th March 2003
Those of us who have had the misfortune to be intercepted in acts of public beastliness by members of Her Majesty's Constabulary may care to pause for a moment and think how much worse it could have been: imagine being caught at it by The Sun.
Hot in pursuit of serial cruiser and ex-minister Ron Davies, a Sun reporter and photographer collared 'grey-haired Scouser John' as he emerged from the bushes after a tryst with Davies at a 'gay sex haunt' - a picnic area eight miles north of Bath.
"I parked in the car park. A friend had told me that this was a good place for action..." John says, moving rapidly into full confessional mode. "He [Davies] got out, looked at me and walked into the woods...He turned towards me, we were face to face standing up. Davies unbuttoned the top of his trousers.
"I undid his fly. Not a word was said. He undid my fly. We were exposing ourselves and began mutual fondling. He seemed to be enjoying it.
"I never did anything like that when I was with my wife," John continues. "I don't know why I started. But yesterday morning was only the third time....I did not find him attractive. I don't really find any men attractive...I don't think I'll be doing this sort of thing again."
Davies' contribution to the report is somewhat less contrite: "I was just going for a walk" - surely one of the most egregious spellling errors in his long and glorious history of being caught in full flagrante delicto.
Monday 3rd March 2003
Funny which entries in one's almanach draw a response from one's loyal readers. As with this:
Did you know that until he was four (or thereabouts) Simeon Saxe-Coburg-Gotha was Tsar Simeon II of Bulgaria?
and this (which, to be honest, I was half-expecting):
i knew that great uncle simeon is the prime in bulgaria...his dad was the czar there
......previous week